Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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