did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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