I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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