I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
