Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
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She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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