That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
