Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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