i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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