Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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