Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
