I have demons in me.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
