when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
