When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
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Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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