Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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