I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
