I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
