Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
