Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
