Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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