3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
