girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
