Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
