I love black thongs
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
