.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
