i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need to calm my uterus...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
