wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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