Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
