my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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