i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
