I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
