There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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