possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
