I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
