Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
