all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
