If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Life without a bra equals bliss.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
