I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
