fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize