I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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