At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Randomize
