I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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