Buhtt sex?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
