I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
