my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
