a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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