there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
