if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
