Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
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I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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