had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Someone came in the potted fern
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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