I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
