Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
