A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
love makes seman taste better
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
