I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
