dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
