I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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