Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
