she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
