we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
