Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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