I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
