guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
