Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
