Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
