Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
