Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
