is wine microwaveable?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
