just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
