Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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