oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I touched a dick in church today
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
