You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
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Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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