Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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