I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
