How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
