Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think people are normalizing furries
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
