I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
