I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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