don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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