So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
