can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
