3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Nicole vs. Life
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
