Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
