doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
