guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
