I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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