You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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